Confused and Disoriented

Fellow humans,
i am finally blogging here again (after a long, lazy hiatus), and i must say, i do miss writing about my life.
Anyhow, like the title says, I'm confused. Tennis boy (this guy who's my tennis instructor's son.. who shall be unnamed) is a cute guy... he's funny (i guess, maybe I'm just infatuated) and he's easy to talk to. Seems like an easy target (especially if you're someone like me) right? right?
Wrong.
He's intimidating (even ask Alona) and when i tried to say something that was on my mind, he seemed so uninterested that i felt this great shame and depression all over me. Faggot. Thinks he's better than me because he's older? Well i think NOT!
(even though i say these things, in his presence i become all jelloid)
Also, just to comment on a blog Alona wrote a few blogs down... that blog has this one sentence: "To be mature, you need to really grow a pair; learn how to forget and forgive, hold your emotions in a bit. "
Grow a pair of what? Breasts?! Is this an indirect insult about my breasts? (they aren't that big, one might say)
ANYWAYS. Back to ranting about the unnamed tennis boy (he sounds like a mystical creature heehee).
So now I'm confused about what to do. Do i like him and have my confidence crushed with his cold shoulder-ness? Or do i give up and still secretly like him but never admit to it and hate his guts?
If i do hate his guts, what will that change? i still won't be able to talk to him and i might come across as bitchy.
Sigh.
What a tough thing life/love is.

On a totally different note,
THE BREAKFAST CLUB RULES!
Gasp. I watched that movie last Friday in school and we only watched half. I didn't want to wait until Monday to finish watching so i watched the rest at home and i was all love sick the rest of the day. I ♥ John bender. He's so fug but his character has something about him that makes him so irresistible (and Judd Nelson, who plays him, is SUCH an incredible actor).
I can't figure it out. John is a druggie kind of.. he isn't smart, he acts like a tough guy... but what he says is so witty and smart in itself, and he's actually a really nice guy deep inside that it's awesome.
:):):)
mmmmmmmm.
men.
I ♥ Paul Walker. I only found out about him from Pleasantville (which i watched with Alona recently.. damn good movie). MM. Blue eyes, prominent jaw.. all he needs is an English accent and we're all set!
If you go on to my facebook, you'll see that 90% of my groups are about, or have something to do with men.
Well at least my parents will never have to wonder is I'm a lesbian or not :)

Also, commenting on Alona's Sophisticated Black Men post. Mm. Black men with blue eyes and British accents and great style = thumbs up!
On another note:
Chef is creepy shit.
Hospitality class= dreaded class because chef's a creeper.
I was avoiding chef one time and he's like to Anastassia "I think she's in a bad mood" and when he leaves I'm like to these girls and Anastassia "I'm not, he just creeps me out"
&c.
but then Anastassia announces that she thinks he might have heard me because she saw him and the other (woman) chef talking and looking at me funny.
So i felt kind of guilty but it still didn't chase away my great fear of him.
Then today, we were watching some documentary about salads (don't ask) and he sits right beside Anastassia and myself (and i was planning to talk to her while he wasn't looking too, but that wasn't possible because he was RIGHT THERE!!).
So guess what? he looked over at Anastassia and me 7 TIMES! 7!!!
:
I need to switch classes.
And when you want to ask him a question he stands so close to you that you can feel his breath on your breasts (he's short lol)
ANYWAYS!
Something happy, something happy....
I have a dance recital some time in December (close to Christmas).
And also: CHRISTMAS!
CAN'T WAIT! Same with new year! Me and my brother are getting a Wii (yeah betch). I'm so happy, and my brother has been wishing for a year from Santa clause all year so he will be bloody ecstatic :)
I can't wait to see his reaction!

Anyways, i have to go to bed now... school tomorrow.

Adios,

Julia

P.S.
Don't you, forget about me (8) Don't Don't Don't Don't!

Quick Update:)

Hola,
sorry for the urgency in my "typing voice" lol. Life has been so hectic right now. I have 3 tests, just tomorrow and a huge assignment due Tuesday and I also have to present a monologue tomorow in shakespearean language to a class full of guys who really don't want to be there. phew. At least after this week will be over, maybe things will ease up... NOT. I have ANOTHER huge civics assignment due Dec 8th that's worth 15% of my mark. Lovely days. I just hope the weather gets nice soon; good holiday cheer will keep me going until I crash and burn before winter break lol. Can't wait for winter break.
Alright,
break over; gotta get back to work lol
Love,
allie
xoxo

I LOVE BLACK SOPHISTICATED MEN

lmao Sorry for the random title; but I just had to say this. Lol. Ever since my mom and I (i was 11) were watching t.v. and Taye Diggs was on it and she had just randomly commented how cute he was, I started a whole new type of men I liked that I never liked before. Denzel Washington, Jesse Williams and a really hot guy I saw @ the airport was just the begginging. Then there was Matt <3<3>

Lol.

This sounds strange now,

But whatever; I just had to say it.

Love,

allie

xoxo

HOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hey,

new blog; new feeling.

It seems like everytime I write a new blog, I feel a different way. I suppose that's good,, it means these blogs act as a cathartic psychiatrist who's time never runs out. Anyhoodilahoo, unto this new emotion. I believe it's called...contentness. Yes! Me? The one who always finds SOMETHING to complain about?? Content??? Why, yes sir, I do believe so. Trust me, I will never stop being a perfectionist but I'm happy with myself now. Of course, there are a lot of things I'd change; my teachers, stuff about my body, my age, and so on and so on. But generally,

I'm good. I'm over my stupid Fanny crush (as hot as he is, he's an absolute weirdo) and I'm happy with school. I'm making an effort and even though some days it's hard to get out of bed, I'm trying my best. I think I've really grown up. I thought I was mature before but I really wasn't. To be mature, you need to really grow a pair; learn how to forget and forgive, hold your emotions in a bit. Control is key. Ok, I'm done preaching. I feel that now I can do so much more because I see the bigger picture; and it's a giant portrait of opportunity. I never thought five years ago that medicine would be the direction that I would pursue. I always thought music and acting and all that stuff but the older I grow, the more superficiality I observe in those areas. If music was the same as how it was 30 years ago, without a doubt, that would be the way I'd go but thanks to the poison of untalented "celebrities"; I've dutifully changed my mind. I only now wonder how much more change and growth will occur in the next 5 years of my life.

School has been keeping me busy quite a lot. I definetly think I have a hard semester. Philosophy, Civics, Music, and English are not easy subjects (well music is but when your teacher is an arse-face, it's not exactly a walk in the park and I have to fight for even the most mediocre grade). The rest of the subjects have a lot of THOUGHT that need to be put into the work. It's not like Science and Math (which are both my favourite subjects) where you need to memorise things and practice them. I'm a very logical person and I do not learn through thinking, I learn through memorisation and practice. This is why I'm very excited for next semester. I have Singing (hoping to change it though), Math, French (a big french party with all my friends in that class), and Science.

Well,  I got to go,

post more soon.

Love,

allie

xoxoxo

Life...

Last time I blogged, I wrote about how life is going great and all. Wwell it's a bit different now. I'm probably either just PMS'ing or just pissed off but it seems like everything that I had under control has changed. I've become so used to the mentality of being perfect at everything. I am getting good marks but in classes that don't really matter. The real class that matters is my Grade 11 Philosophy class and I just got my essay back from that class and i got a 73%. That really upset me. This counts towards university since university will see these marks. UGhh. I was so scared that I would regret my courses and I regret every single one now. Honestly, I just feel like I messed up a really important thing and it's really upsetting to me.  I hate Philosophy. I am a logical person and I can't explain to a fucking teacher why animals don't think or talk. IT'S SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN. YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH SCIENCE. Ugh. I wish I just had science and math all year long. Other than my philosophy problem, I have civics starting Thursday with the exact same dumbarse teacher. I hate this semester so much; I can't wait until it's over. I'm scared of making the same mistakes next semester though.

Anyways,

I also feel really bad because I skipped class today which was a really stupid thing to do and now I feel guilty. I hate feeling like I've desrespected or let people down. Ughh. I don't want to be a perfectionist anymore. You can't be happy when you're a perfectionist because nothing is ever perfect! I'm so sick of guys. Ughhh. lol. I know I always used to be boy crazy but honestly, I just need a break now. I don't want to fight with friends over stupid things like guys and I don't want to waste my time. I'm too young to waste my time on it anyways.

I just want to feel better; this hasn't been the best week for me. 

I also have a ton of work and I feel like there isn't enough time in the day for me to get stuff done.

Well, I'm going to go and try to get through the pile of stuff I need to do.

Hopefully I'll feel better next time I blog

Love,

allie

xoxo